Christmas time… the most wonderful time of the year.

I love everything about Christmas; the adventures in the snow to find the perfect tree, the decorations and lights, the Christmas music, the holiday spirit, all the family fun and celebrating Jesus.

My favorite tradition is the Christmas stockings, I would rather give them than gifts and I would rather get one over gifts. I still fill them for all my children…

A few nights ago, I was at dinner with my youngest daughter and a Christmas song came on the radio. I was happily thinking of all things Christmas, all the things I love about this time of year, the thought of Christmas stockings…..

And it hit me… I will have one stocking that sits empty. Forever.

The tears came instantly and the heaviness in my heart filled my mind with a million thoughts of how life is going to look so differently without my oldest son in it.

How do we do it? Lose a child, or even a loved one and continue with all the traditions that they were once a part of. Not just Christmas, but every holiday, every birthday, every family get together, every family event, everything that included them.

One step.. One breath.. One tradition at a time. With all the love and memories that our hearts can hold.

We say their name, we remember all the ways they made those moments so special and we create new ways to keep their memory alive because they were a very real part of all that makes those traditions so special.

We cry and we ache for what will never be again because we miss them terribly and that’s ok.

We do what we need to do to get through this season without our loved one. There is no right way or wrong way.

My heart was moved instantly to try and find a way to fill my son’s stocking with memories..

Letters….

Letters, notes, cards... I want my family to start a new tradition, one where we will fill Tyler’s stocking with these things. A memory, a thought, a wish. Words for his son, Elijah, to read one day, keep one day, treasure one day.

This will be the first Christmas without my son, the knowledge of him not being here consumes my heart with such sorrow and it will always hurt a little that he will no longer be a part of the memories to come.

Im still learning this new normal, how to handle the little things that at one time I never would have given thought to but I will forever treasure all the memories I have of all the times Tyler was here to give me these moments to hold onto.

He will never be far from my heart or my thoughts as these days come and we celebrate without him here.

How about you, what do you do to get through the holidays and special moments without your loved one? I would love to know….

You Are Lovely… don’t believe the lie