To create and grow a life is one of the most beautiful gifts of women, I find it absolutely beautiful and intriguing. The love we feel for our children is indescribable.. nothing can compare to it.
There are moments upon moments that are full of awe and wonder, at the many mile stones of motherhood. There are days that we feel like we may explode with pride, from all the joyous blessing they bring to our lives. The love, the laughter, the happiness.
There is not one moment far from that, that we are not fearful that we are messing it all up, doing it all wrong and flat out scared that we are failing.
Motherhood… Where love and fear collide. Every emotion that can be felt, is contained in our heart. Everything good, everything bad. Everything happy, everything sad. If it can be felt, it has been felt by a mother.
“You Are My Greatest Adventure”
From the time they are born, we have days that are easy and days that are hard. Every stage and every season has moments that we rejoice in and moments that will bring heartache.
There is no way to understand the love of a mother… until you become one yourself. Then you will understand fully.
There are the moments and times that everything feels beautiful, wonderful and perfect, but, we know that perfect doesn’t really exist…
There are moments and times that our children will make choices that break our hearts, despite all that we do.
Then what…..
What if those choices lead to the death of your child. The child that you poured every ounce of all you had into. The child that you did everything possible to give them a better way. The child you prayed for every single day.
Would you survive it?
June 10, 2018 I received the call, that in all my fears, I hoped I would never receive. My oldest son, Tyler, died of an accidental drug overdose and in that very moment there was no thought that I would survive the loss of him.
I can not even put into words the thoughts and emotions you feel, hearing that your child has died.. you simply feel like you just died with them.
The sorrow is so overwhelming, you feel like your heart has exploded into a million little pieces. You can see and hear and feel everything around you, but none of it makes sense. You are absolutely numb, the shock is like a bad dream.
Only if you have lost a child, could you ever understand what I fail to put into words of sorrow. For those who understand, my deepest, heartfelt sympathy is with you.
Now what…..
You can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you can’t think straight. You have no idea how your going to make it through the minutes, days, weeks, months or years and your heart cries out “why” over and over and over.
I have done hard and I have felt hurt and I have suffered loss but I have determined that there is nothing in all this life that compares to the heart crushing sorrow of losing a child.
Nothing.
As days passed by, I began writing my emotions and sharing them on social media. It was simply therapeutic and I needed a way to pour them out. The love and support from others was overwhelming, I never dreamed the outpouring of it would be so huge… I have read stories where others had no support, no compassion from others and certainly no understanding, even from loved ones. I could not imagine…
Stories, comments, encouragement, started coming forth and I realized that Tyler's story was touching others. So many people suffering, struggling, unsure, uncertain… needing hope.
I decided that I could either let my grief and sorrow consume me, which truly, we have every right to do or I could do something with it, because there is a world of hurting people who simply need to know that they do matter, they are worthy, they are loved, there is hope, there is a better way, tomorrow is always a new day.
God’s fingerprints have been everywhere, pieces of His plan falling into place, one thing leading to another, which has opened the door to the You Are Lovely Project.
I am learning that life is not fair and it was never promised that we wouldn’t have heartache, sorrow or loss. It is not about us, there is a greater plan and purpose that we can not see. If we walk by faith and not by sight, we begin to see beautiful things unfold. God is faithful, His promises true and His peace that surpasses understanding, the most incredible gift given.
I do not understand why my son had to die, my heart will hurt forever, there will always be moments that I allow my grief to wash over me and simply let myself feel it but I refuse to sit back and do nothing with it while there is a world of people still living and not realizing that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Change needs to happen… and what a gift that God would see fit to use my beautiful boy to open doors for others.
Yes, I really can do this.. I will survive losing my child. There will be days that are incredibly hard and the tears will flow constantly but Tyler was never truly mine to keep, he was a blessing and through his death, his purpose is still taking place.
You Are Lovely… don’t believe the lie
Tyler William Allen Copeland 9/15/90-06/10/18